If I Were the Devil: The War On Love Podcast

Spiritual Warfare: Your Enemy, His Weapons & the Battleground

You were never meant to fight this war blindly.
If life has felt like an unrelenting series of attacks - the persistent shame, the fear that hits out of nowhere, the bitterness that won't lift, the lies that somehow feel like truth - there's a reason. You're in a war that started long before you were born, and the enemy is counting on you not knowing the rules of engagement.
In this episode, I break down spiritual warfare the same way a military strategist breaks down a battle. Because the truth is, the enemy's tactics aren't new, they aren't creative, and they aren't hidden. Once you can name his weapons and recognize his fingerprints, you stop fighting blind — and you start fighting from the authority you've already been given in Christ.
This is Part 1 of my Spiritual Warfare series: Understanding the War.
What You'll Discover:
Why the greatest commandment — to love — makes you a target, and why the enemy works to keep you from loving fully
The two opponents, the origin of the conflict, and how this battle began before creation
The enemy's actual weapons: lies, accusation, shame, fear, and division — and why he's "not that creative"
How his primary strategy against believers is erosion, not brute force
The rules of engagement — why Satan operates on a leash God still holds
The warning signs of spiritual attack on a personal, cultural, and global level
Why studying Scripture is intelligence-gathering, not just comfort
The hierarchy of power, and why knowing your rank is not the same as using your weapons
Why authority flows from relationship with Christ, not formula or box-checking (the sons of Sceva, Acts 19)
The real battleground: your mind — and how to take every thought captive
Scriptures Referenced: Matthew 22:37-38 · 1 Peter 5:8 · Ephesians 6:12 · John 8:44 · Isaiah 54:17 · 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 · Isaiah 14:12-13 · Revelation 12:7,17 · 2 Corinthians 2:11 · Job 1:12 · 1 Corinthians 10:13 · Matthew 4:1 · Ephesians 4:26-27 · 2 Corinthians 11:14 · Ephesians 1:20-21 · Ephesians 2:6 · Colossians 2:10 · Luke 10:19 · 2 Timothy 1:7 · Matthew 18:18 · Acts 19:13 · Romans 12:2 · Proverbs 4:23
Remember this: You have a real enemy with a real strategy. His weapons are lies, accusation, shame, and the spirit of fear. This conflict predates you — but you're in it. There are rules, God holds the leash, and we already know who wins. The battle is mostly waged in your mind. So renew it.
Part 2 drops next week, where we'll tackle this war from a different angle.
If this episode challenged or encouraged you, would you share it with someone who needs it — and leave a quick review so it can reach the people looking for exactly this?
Connect with me: daniellenicolecoaching.com  hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com

BONUS: Why You Can't Love Like Christ Yet and What Your Wounds Have to Do With It (How Fiery Trials Lead Us Into More Christ-like Love)

EPISODE TITLE: Why You Can't Love Like Christ Yet — And What Your Wounds Have to Do With It (How Fiery Trials Lead Us Into More Christ-like Love)
This week I'm doing something a little different - I'm sharing a message I gave at church on May 31st, 2026, for our worship night.
And it might be the most personal thing I've shared publicly to a congregation (excluding when I share my testimony for recovery meetings!)
As a trauma therapist and faith-based relationship coach, I sit across from Christians every week who love Jesus, pray, go to church, do all the "right" things - and still can't seem to access the peace, love, and freedom Christ promised. This episode is my attempt to bridge that gap: between neuroscience and Scripture, between head knowledge and heart transformation.
I share my own story - growing up without a father, addiction and abuse in my home, getting saved at 19, and what it's actually taken to heal (not just cope).
I also get real about my marriage, attachment wounds, and why the fiery trial you're in right now might be the very doorway God is using to bring you into deeper freedom.
In this episode, you'll discover: Why coping strategies alone will never bring true freedom - and what Jesus actually came to do
The HHOW acronym: Humility, Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness
Four heart conditions that block love: wounded, anxious, bitter, and hardened How your early attachment style is still quietly driving the way you love today Why marriage is "the great exposer" — and why that's actually a gift from God Defense mechanisms we share with the animal kingdom (and how to move past them)
The gift of desperation: why fiery trials are often the doorway to transformation
Why vulnerability — not strength — is the path to more of what Christ has for you
Scriptures Referenced: 1 Corinthians 13 | 1 John 4:7 | Romans 12:1 | Isaiah 61:3 | John 16:33 | Genesis 2:17-18 | Genesis 3 | Genesis 50:20 | Deuteronomy 31:6 | 2 Corinthians 12:9 | Romans 8:28 | Matthew 22:37-39
Note: Next week we return to Episode 3 of our spiritual warfare series - The Strategy of Enemy Attacks. See you then.
Connect with Danielle: 🌐 www.daniellenicolecoaching.com 📧 hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com
 

Spiritual Warfare Part 2: Who is the Enemy Really

War on Love Podcast
Episode Summary
Spiritual Warfare Series | Know Your Enemy: Who Is Satan & How He Operates
Do you know who your real enemy is — and how he actually operates?
In this episode of War on Love, Danielle opens the second installment of the Spiritual Warfare series by tackling one of the most foundational — and most misunderstood — questions in the Christian faith: Who is the enemy, really?
Rooted in Scripture and grounded in real-life application, this episode walks you through a biblical portrait of Satan — his names, his origin, his character, and his tactics — so you can stop being blindsided and start standing firm. Because you cannot win a war you don't understand.
 
In This Episode:
Why the Greatest Commandment (Matthew 22:37-39) is the lens for everything — and how the enemy works to keep us from living it
The difference between shame-based self-blame and grandiosity — and why both are enemy strategies
Who Satan actually is: his names (adversary, devil, Beelzebub, Lucifer), his origin, and the pride that led to his fall (Isaiah 14, Ezekiel 28, Luke 10:18)
How Satan operates — as a liar, accuser, prowling lion, and angel of light (1 Peter 5:8, 2 Corinthians 11:14)
Why Christians are actually his primary targets — and what that means for your home, heart, and church
The enemy's tactics in the wilderness: how he used partial truths to tempt Jesus, and how to fight back with Scripture (Matthew 4:1-11)
What the story of Judas teaches us about spiritual battles that are bigger than us (Luke 22:3)
How Satan blinds unbelievers — and why that should shift how we see people, not just judge them (2 Corinthians 4:4)
The defeated enemy: why the cross changed everything and what that means for your daily life (Colossians 2:15, Hebrews 2:14)
The Wizard of Oz analogy — and why FEAR is just false evidence appearing real
A preview of next week: how military warfare strategies mirror the enemy's playbook
 
Scripture References in This Episode:
Matthew 22:37-39 • Job 1:2, 1:12, 2:6 • Isaiah 14:12-15 • Ezekiel 28:12-17 • Luke 10:18 • John 8:44 • 1 Peter 5:8 • 2 Corinthians 11:14 • Matthew 4:1-11 • Luke 22:3 • 2 Corinthians 4:4 • Hebrews 2:14 • Colossians 2:15 • Romans 8:28 • Revelation 20:2, 20:10 • Hebrews 11:1
 
If This Episode Resonated With You:
You don't have to stay stuck in bondage, anxiety, or deception. The power that raised Christ from the dead lives in you — and you were never meant to live like a bird in a cage with the door wide open.
Connect with Danielle at daniellenicolecoaching.com to learn more about trauma-informed, faith-rooted coaching for Christian women and couples navigating betrayal, shame, and relationship repair. If you are in Pennsylvania and seeking therapy services for trauma healing, I offer virtual, in-person, and intensives to go deep to the root of grief, shame, trauma, through EMDR or Brainspotting. Submit a consult www.trinitywellnessgroup.com
Subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to know: the enemy is real, but so is the One who already defeated him.

Spiritual Warfare Part 1: Introduction to the Battle

If I Were the Devil: The War on Love
Spiritual Warfare, False Doctrine & Why Prayer Alone Isn't Enough
Spiritual Warfare Series | Episode 1
 
What if the greatest trick the enemy is pulling on the church right now isn’t convincing people he doesn’t exist — but convincing believers they don’t need to do anything beyond praying more?
In this episode, Danielle kicks off a brand-new series on spiritual warfare — and she’s not mincing words. Drawing from her 20+ years in the helping professions, her own personal testimony of betrayal recovery and sobriety, and her training as a trauma therapist and certified professional coach, she takes on some of the most misused scriptures in the church and asks the hard question: are we giving the enemy exactly the foothold he needs by over-spiritualizing everything?
 
In This Episode:
What it really means to be a “new creation in Christ” — and how this scripture gets taken out of context to keep people from seeking healing
Why Ephesians 6:12 doesn’t mean your flesh doesn’t matter — and why over-spiritualizing your struggle may be the enemy’s favorite tactic
False doctrine, religious rules, and wolves in sheep’s clothing — what Colossians 2 says about man-made teaching vs. scripture
How the enemy studies human patterns to exploit unhealed wounds — even without reading your thoughts
Why hypocrisy in the church is costing people their faith — and what Brennan Manning got so right about it
Danielle’s defining statement: “Salvation is sanctification of the soul. Recovery is sanctification of the flesh.”
A teaser for next week: who is the enemy, really? And a fresh look at Romans 12:2
 
Scriptures Referenced:
Matthew 22:37-38 — The Greatest Commandment
2 Corinthians 5:16-17 — New Creation in Christ
Colossians 2:20-23 — False humility and human commands
Ephesians 6:12 — The Full Armor of God
Romans 12:2 — Renewing the mind
Ecclesiastes 1:2, 9-11 — Nothing new under the sun
 
“Salvation is sanctification of the soul.
Recovery is sanctification of the flesh.”
— Danielle Lew
 
This Episode Is For You If…
You’ve been told that praying more is the only answer to your struggle — and something feels off about that
You’re a believer walking in bondage and can’t figure out why faith alone isn’t setting you free
You’ve experienced hurt, confusion, or spiritual abuse inside the church and are trying to find solid ground
You love Jesus and want to walk in real freedom — in your body, your mind, and your relationships
You want to understand spiritual warfare without fear, hype, or bypassing
 
About Your Host
Danielle Lew is a licensed trauma therapist (LCSW), APSATS-certified betrayal trauma coach, and Brainspotting/EMDR practitioner based in Gettysburg, PA. She brings 20+ years in the helping professions, personal lived experience with betrayal recovery and sobriety, and a radical love for Jesus to everything she does. Her mission: to help believers stop living in bondage and start walking in the freedom Christ died to give them.
 
Connect & Keep Going:
Website: www.daniellenicolecoaching.com
Email: hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com
Leave a review if this episode encouraged you — it helps more people find the podcast!
Share this episode with a believer who feels stuck
 
Episode Tags:
spiritual warfare | Christian inner healing | false doctrine | faith-based recovery | Christian podcast | betrayal trauma | church hurt | faith and mental health | new creation in Christ | prayer and healing | Ephesians 6 | full armor of God | Christian women | Christian counseling | sobriety and faith | sanctification | freedom in Christ | Danielle Lew
www.daniellenicolecoaching.com | Danielle Lew. 2026. All Rights Reserved

The Distracted, Covetous, & Lustful Heart

The Distracted, Covetous & Lustful Heart
Heart Conditions Series | If I Were the Devil: The War on Love
with Danielle Lew (Dani), LCSW, APSATS-CCPS
What do pornography, hoarding, endless scrolling, and emotional affairs all have in common? According to Scripture — and the enemy's playbook — they are all expressions of the same ancient heart problem: lust, covetousness, and distraction. In this rich, scripture-heavy episode, Danielle Lew, licensed trauma therapist and certified betrayal recovery coach, brings the Heart Conditions series to a powerful close with a deep dive into the hearts that drift, desire, and consume — and the God who restores them.
 
In This Episode, You'll Discover:
The difference between a lustful heart and a covetous heart — and why they almost always operate together
How King Solomon, the wisest man alive, fell into idolatry through distraction, people-pleasing, and slow spiritual drift
Why lust extends far beyond sexual sin — and the many modern forms it takes (status, phones, food, news cycles, and more)
What the neurochemistry of addiction has to do with Scripture's warnings about the heart
The shocking pornography statistics the church is largely silent about — and why that silence is costing lives
Solomon's wake-up call in Ecclesiastes and the powerful antidote he discovered: contentment rooted in God
Why people change for the Lord — not for other people — and what that means for lasting recovery
 
Faith Meets Healing
Danielle opens the episode with a chilling monologue from the perspective of the enemy — a reminder that distraction is not accidental, it is strategic. From Solomon's 700 wives to your smartphone screen, the enemy has always used what God designed for good to lead hearts away from Him. Lust, Danielle teaches, is the disease of more — an intense, consuming desire that promises satisfaction and delivers emptiness.
Drawing from 1 Kings, Ecclesiastes, Romans, James, and the Sermon on the Mount, this episode traces the fall of Solomon from a man who heard directly from God — twice — to a man who built altars to foreign gods to please his wives. The drift was gradual, and that, Danielle reminds us, is exactly the point. The slippery slope is real. The barber shop principle applies: hang around long enough, and you will get a haircut.
Lust and covetousness are not just moral failings — they are forms of idolatry. They install something else on the throne where God belongs. And whether the idol is pornography, a fantasy relationship, designer goods, social media metrics, or the dopamine hit of the next dopamine hit — the antidote is the same: a heart fully surrendered to the Lord, rooted in contentment, and walking in genuine community.
 
Key Scriptures Referenced:
1 Samuel 13:14 | 1 Kings 9:1-9 | 1 Kings 11 | 1 Chronicles 29:18-20 | Deuteronomy 11:16 | Numbers 15:39 | Job 31:1 | Psalm 23:1 | Ecclesiastes 2:1-13 | Matthew 5:28 | Romans 1:18-32 | Romans 2:5 | Ephesians 4:17-24 | 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 | James 1:13-15 | Philippians 4:11-13 | Hebrews 13:5 | 1 Peter 5:8
 
Could you please:
Share this episode with someone who needs a biblical framework for understanding addiction and the wandering heart
Leave a review and let Danielle know how this series has impacted you
 
Episode Tags:
lustful heart, covetous heart, distracted heart, heart conditions, pornography addiction, sexual compulsivity, lust and addiction, betrayal trauma, Christian healing, spiritual warfare, inner healing, Solomon, King David, faith and recovery, lust vs covetousness, Christian podcast, contentment, idolatry, impulse control, War on Love podcast, Danielle Lew, biblical teaching, addiction recovery, faith-based healing, Christian women
www.daniellenicolecoaching.com  |  Danielle Lew. 2026. All Rights Reserved

Hardened Heart 5: Painful Relationships

Episode Summary
In this final installment of the Hardened Heart series (finally, whew!) we explore what a hardened heart looks like in modern life — in our relationships, our culture, and ourselves — and offers practical, faith-based steps toward healing.
The episode opens by grounding the discussion in the Greatest Commandment: to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. A hardened heart, the host argues, makes this impossible — blocking both the ability to receive and give love.
From there, the episode examines the signs of a hardened heart in today's context: chronic emotional unavailability, stonewalling, emotional numbness, contempt, defensiveness, and the inability to grieve or receive influence from others.
A significant portion is devoted to avoidant attachment — how it develops in childhood when caregivers are emotionally unavailable or dismissive, the core beliefs it instills ("I don't need anyone"), and how it quietly fuels addiction, isolation, and relational breakdown in adulthood.
We then explore how a hardened heart shows up in culture (numbing through screens, substances, and busyness), in relationships (blame-shifting, gaslighting, chronic loneliness), and specifically with a spouse — from the partner who has emotionally flatlined, to the high-functioning professional who gives everything to work and nothing to their family.
The episode closes with God's promises of restoration — drawing from Psalm 51, Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel — followed by concrete solutions: praying for self-awareness, taking an attachment style quiz, getting into faith-based recovery, seeking community, asking trusted people for honest feedback, and pursuing soul care retreats or intensives.
The core message: healing doesn't happen in isolation. We get hurt in relationships, and we heal in relationships — if they're the right ones.Follow on IG @daniellenicole_coaching or visit website www.daniellenicolecoaching.com

Hardened Heart Part 4 Impact on Faith and Church

Hardened Heart Part 4: Impact on Faith & Church If I Were the Devil: The War on Love — Episode Summary
In this episode, we explore how a hardened heart directly impacts our ability to fulfill the greatest commandment - to love God, ourselves, and others. Drawing from Scripture, real-life examples, and recovery principles, this episode breaks down what a hardened heart looks like in both believers and non-believers, and why the difference matters more than we might think.
We examine Pharaoh as the prototype for the unbeliever's hardened heart - unmoved by miracles, self-centered, and resistant to God's commands. Then we take a closer look at something more subtle and more dangerous: the hardened heart in the believer. From "cheap grace" (the language of transformation without the substance) to self-righteousness, compassion fatigue, and doctrinal rigidity, we unpack how Christians can go through all the motions while remaining spiritually closed off.
Through the lens of the Prodigal Son's older brother, Simon the Sorcerer, and the disciples who refused to believe in the resurrection, we see how unbelief, pride, and bitterness can keep even devoted followers of Christ stuck - and how Jesus himself rebuked that hardness.
This episode challenges you to pursue the Lord with hunger, stay open to the Holy Spirit's movement, and do the honest inner work required to keep your heart soft.
Next week: the final episode - what it's like to be in relationship with someone who has a hardened heart, and strategies for what to do next.

What is a Hardened Heart Part 3: Trauma, Grief, and Idolatry Impact on Heart

Episode Summary:
In Part 3 of the Hardened Heart series, we deep dive into what hardens our hearts and why it matters for our walk with God. 
In this episode, you'll learn:
How idolatry - including money, relationships, status, and even our children -slowly hardens the heart by shaping us into what we worship
The danger of spiritual neglect and daily drift, and how small choices compound over time to pull us away from God
Why reading the Word alone isn't enough - transformation requires letting it change us, not just inform us
How unprocessed trauma physically rewires the brain, shutting down emotional processing and creating a physiologically callous heart
The role of bitterness as a contagious root that defiles not just us, but everyone around us
What emotional numbing and dissociation look like - and why closing off pain also closes off joy, love, and connection with God
A powerful walk through Psalm 109 as a model for honest, raw prayer in the midst of betrayal
The traumatized Pharisee - how rigid rule-following is often a trauma response, not a faith response
Key scriptural warnings about the hardened heart from Matthew, Hebrews, Proverbs, Romans, Ephesians, and more
Here's your invitation: if you recognize hardness in your own heart, don't feel shame- feel curiosity. Pray, lean in, and ask God to open your eyes and ears to healing.
Part 4 coming next week - what it looks like to do relationships with people who have hardened hearts.Got any questions? Reach out! hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com

What is a Hardened Heart: Part 2

What Hardens a Heart? Understanding the Roots of a Hardened Heart
Heart Conditions Series, Part 2 | War on Love Podcast with Danielle Lew
Have you ever wondered why some people seem emotionally shut down, spiritually disconnected, or stuck in the same painful patterns no matter what they try? In this episode of the War on Love podcast, Danielle Lew — Licensed Clinical Social Worker, APSATS-trained betrayal trauma coach, and faith-integrated healing advocate — continues the Heart Conditions series with a deep dive into how and why hearts become hardened.
This is Part 2 in the series. If you missed Part 1, go back and listen first - then return here for this powerful continuation!
What You'll Learn in This Episode
Danielle unpacks the key spiritual and psychological roots of a hardened heart, including:
How sin and deception lay the groundwork for emotional and spiritual hardness
Why knowing Scripture is not enough — and what it actually takes to integrate the Word into the heart
The role of unresolved trauma and a dysregulated nervous system in creating chronic fear, anxiety, and emotional shutdown
How complacency and spiritual comfort can quietly harden us — even in times of blessing
The cumulative effect of unrepentant sin and how each unconfessed act builds a callous around the heart
Why self-protective vows made in childhood pain can block intimacy, trust, and healing in adult relationships
The connection between fear, fight-or-flight, and our inability to love God, self, and others well
Why healing trauma is not a lack of faith - and why the church needs a better understanding of nervous system healing
What it looks like to stay humble, keep a soft heart, and remain positioned toward God even after deep wounds
 
Where Faith Meets Trauma Healing
Danielle brings her signature blend of biblical depth and trauma-informed clinical insight to this episode. Drawing from Jeremiah, Romans, Mark, Hosea, Exodus, and the story of the Prodigal Son, she connects Scripture to the neuroscience of fear, addiction, and self-protection. You'll hear her share vulnerably from her own story - including a real-time revelation about her relationship with her mother that happened live during recording - modeling exactly the kind of heart-softening she's teaching.
This episode is for you if you're a Christian man or woman asking why healing feels so hard, a partner wondering why someone you love seems emotionally unavailable, or a clinician or coach wanting a richer framework for integrating faith and trauma care.
Key Scriptures Referenced
Jeremiah 17:9 — The deceitful heart
Romans 2:5 — Storing up wrath through an unrepentant heart
Mark 16:14 — Jesus rebuking stubborn unbelief
1 John 4:18 — Perfect love casts out fear
2 Chronicles 36:13 — Stiffening the neck against the Lord
Hosea 13:6 — Forgetting God in seasons of fullness
Mark 10:25 — The rich man and the eye of the needle
Deuteronomy 8:12 — The warning against complacency in blessing
 
Coming Up Next
In Part 3- Danielle will cover what it's actually like to be in relationship with someone who has a hardened heart. Will discuss the Avoidant Attachment Style and how this can influence the heart condition. If you love someone who seems closed off or you think you may , you will not want to miss it.
Connect + Go Deeper
If this episode resonated with you, Danielle would love to support you further:
Learn about Soul Care Retreats — immersive 2-3 day healing experiences for women
Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it
Leave a review and let Danielle know how this series is impacting you
Episode Tags
hardened heart, heart conditions, betrayal trauma, Christian healing, faith and trauma, trauma recovery, unresolved trauma, spiritual growth, nervous system healing, sin and shame, forgiveness, emotional healing, Christian women, marriage restoration, War on Love podcast, Danielle Lew, biblical counseling, EMDR, betrayal trauma coach, Christian podcast
www.daniellenicolecoaching.com  |  Danielle Lew. 2026. All Rights Reserved

What is a Hardened Heart? Part 1

If you have ever asked, "what is a hard heart"? This multi-part episode is for you! You will recognize how the devil uses woundedness and patterns of the world, and even religion to take hearts captive, keeping people captive to this way of being. In this first Part I share an overview of where the hardened heart shows up in the Bible, and some causes, and what dangers of having a hard heart if you are trying to love like Christ! www.daniellenicolecoaching.com All rights reserved. 2026If you have any questions about the show or if you need a guide to help you overcome the effects of a hardened heart on your life, or if you recognize that your heart has become hardened- send me an email or visit my website! hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com